How do you keep passion and connection alive in a relationship that isn’t “new” anymore? I suppose it starts with your intention. Do you want the relationship to last and your partner to be happy? Do you want the love you have for each other to be strong and vital?
If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then here are some things you might consider.
1. Communicate with your partner on what is most important in your life
Schedule or take a little time each day, even for only a few minutes to talk. Turn off the TV. Sit close to each other. Take turns talking about what is important to you, today, right now. Listen to what your partner has to say. Try to take in and understand what your partner is saying and feeling.
2. Understand, embrace, and learn from your differences
Don’t assume that your partner thinks just like you and his/her priorities are like yours. Talk about these differences and share what is important to you. Remember to listen with an open heart and not judge. Just because someone likes to do different things or has different goals does not mean it isn’t “right.” It just means your partner has some different interests.
Sometimes, preconceived notions about something make one think that there is only one “right” way, which then makes it easy to judge your partner. Accept the differences. Just because your mother did things a certain way doesn’t mean it has to be done that way forever.
3. Make agreements with your partner
Agreements do not take the passion and mystery out of the relationship. It is just the opposite. They require you to think about your partner and their preferences.
From making agreements on how to spend time on the holidays, food preferences, and doing the dishes, making decisions about various things together and following through with those agreements will build trust and commitment. You and your partner will be more attentive and respectful because you share understandings and are committed to respecting each other and the relationship.
4. Treat each day as if it were your last together
It is easy to take our partners for granted and assume that they will always be there. When this happens, partners stop trying. Why bother putting the work into a relationship, if it will always be there. People are acutely aware of being taken for granted, whether by their kids, co-workers, bosses, or partner, and it is painful to feel that this person, who is essential to you, does not care about you.
All of our relationships will eventually end. So if you treat each day as if it were your last together, your attitudes will change. One becomes more aware of your partner, their mood, how they are feeling physically, and their problems.
Imagine that it is the last day together. What would you say to your partner, and how would you treat them? What would you want to hear from them?
These are just some things to think about or try if you want to stay close and passionate. There are many other things you could do to raise affinity towards each other, but you must always be open to ways of building passion for one another. The important thing to focus on is always valuing the things that ignite and grow deep passion and love.
