It never ceases to amaze me that people often do not know their partners very well. Recently Mike came in and said that his wife of twenty years no longer liked him. Not only that, but she hasn’t liked him for fifteen years. And love? Well his wife was not really sure about that, either.
How well do you know your partner? People change all of the time. Various events and experiences are affecting him or her almost continuously. These things give lessons which shape and change the mind, the body and the soul. So it is important to never stop learning about your partner. They are slowly changing. Secondly, these events may lead your partner to seek you out in order to help relieve the burden and seek comfort from you. In attachment love relationships, mates are “safe havens” for each other: someone to soothe them and let them know that they are cared about.
True, relationships do tend to become familiar and routine. It is easy to fall into the habit of taking each other for granted. After all, life is busy and can be hectic. With so many distractions, couples frequently communicate less with each other and even stop going out or doing things together. This is a prescription for disaster. Too often, the couple will find themselves drifting away from each other. And when nothing is done to reverse the trend, they wake up one morning and find themselves in the same situation that Mike found himself in.
So it is important to pay attention to your partner. It is important to talk and to do things with each other.
Is your daily conversation just about the kids or about what needs to be done?
Do you discuss hopes and dreams and future plans?
Do you talk about the things which are bothering you, whether it is about your partner or about other events in your life?
Do you take time to get away and connect with each other without distraction?
Learning about your mate can be stimulating, enlightening, intriguing, humorous and comforting. It sometimes takes a little effort on a daily basis. Only you can decide if your relationship is worth it. The effects of a happy relationship are great and affect all areas of your life. You are both happier at work, happier with your children and anyone else with whom you come into contact.
Connect with your mate today. Not sure how to do this? There are only a few ways that you can accomplish this. You can do things together. And you can share feelings and thoughts with each other. One popular prescription is to ask questions of each other. This does work, but remember to also share the feelings you have about these questions.
Here is a sampling of questions which you can use:
- What are the places your partner always wanted to visit?
- What is his or her greatest regret?
- What has been your partner’s biggest challenge?
- What does your partner think about in the quiet moments?
- What is your partner afraid of?
- What are the most important things he or she has learned about death? Death? People? Work? Love? Marriage? Children?
- What are his or her hopes, dreams and plans for the future?
- What is the best adventure that your partner has ever experienced?
- What would make your partner happy in relationships, family and work?
- If your partner could do anything, how would he or she live life?
- In your partner’s eyes, what is success and does he or she measure it in work, love, family, etc.?
- what are your partner’s three greatest wishes?
Stay close, stay connected, and stay together.
Copyright by Joseph Dragun, Ph.D.
