- Have You Been Ripped Apart By An Affair?
- Do You Feel Angry that the Affair Has Stolen Your Life?
- Are You in Emotional Turmoil?
- Do You Stay Awake at Night Thinking About It?
Finding out your partner is having an affair, or cheated on you, is one of the most devastating shocks that can happen between two people.
Along with the discovery of an affair comes an avalanche of emotions for both partners. You may feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, deep hurt, hopelessness, fear and anxiety, loneliness, fear of abandonment, pain of betrayal and anger. You are in emotional and physical turmoil. You question whether the relationship should continue.
Life as you knew it has been turned inside out. There is uncertainty about the future and doubts about the past. This uncertainty can feel all-consuming and overwhelming. You may even feel “needy.” You may want your spouse/partner to account for every moment the two of you are apart. You may question whether s/he still loves you. You may doubt that s/he finds you attractive. You might feel held hostage by the fear of it happening again
You may pull away from your partner to minimize your pain. Conversations about the affair are highly distressing as more details are disclosed and the extent of the secrecy, lies and cover up becomes apparent. Often the attempts to communicate lead to heated arguments.
The pain of infidelity is the pain of loss. The marriage/relationship as you knew it has been altered. The person you thought you knew better than anyone may now feel like a stranger: someone who can hurt you in unthinking ways.
Can You Save Your Relationship?
You may believe that your relationship is beyond saving or what you’ve done is beyond forgiveness. If you’re the betrayed partner you may believe that you will hurt forever and you’ll never look at your partner the same again.
While you won’t ever forget what happened and the pain does last awhile, your relationship is NOT beyond saving. We won’t lie to you and tell you every couple decides to work it out. But we can tell you that we have successfully helped numerous couples heal their relationship.
Adultery is still one of the most cited reasons for divorce. According to the American Psychological Association, infidelity in the United States accounted for 20-40 percent of divorces. After analyzing more than 1,000 interviews, one researcher has found that the main reasons people under 50 considered ending their relationships were fighting and a poor sex life—not cheating. Divorce Magazine notes that about 70 percent of couples actually stay together after an affair is discovered.
Research has shown that marriage counseling is effective. Despite the devastating effects infidelity can have on a marriage, couples have been successfully treated in marital therapy. Couples have shown significant improvements during therapy leading to increased marital satisfaction, reduced psychological trauma symptoms, and forgiveness in the uninvolved partner. Couples who come to marriage counseling because of an affair make the fastest gains in marriage counseling over a 6 month period.
That is very good news for you. Marriage counseling does work. But to save your relationship it is not easy. It does take a lot of work and requires time for you to heal.
We Can Help
Despite the hurt that affairs cause, it’s possible for couples to work through these difficulties and make their marriage stronger. We use Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy as a map to help you understand, talk about and heal from the hurt of infidelity. We can help you to:
- Rebuild trust
- Process your anger and hurt constructlively
- Understand your relationship dynamics
- Re-connect in a way that feels physically and emotionally safe to both parties
We want you to create a new relationship that is affair-proof. We aim to help you achieve a relationship that is stronger and more enduring. We will work to help you heal from the affair and achieve a closeness and strength that you could not have imagined was possible before the affair.
We encourage you to use this most hurtful time as momentum and motivation to get the help you need and deserve. Don’t stay in this place where your relationship hurts so much.